Like, Realising Stuff | Life Update

15:18

Taken and edited by me


So, I guess I have some explaining to do. To be real, explaining where I've been is always seems to be a common theme in every other blog post. For todays post which granted, was supposed to be up a few hours ago, but I had a new inspiration to redo my blog layout and theme a little, which I'm rather enjoying and also I spent a lot of today sorting out my social media and such. Which is why it is up quite late. but anyhow... The reason for my month long absence. I've been as the title suggests realising some stuff. There has been a lot going on with my job at the moment that has really brought me down and has really stressed my out for quite a few months now. The confusion of my job and my contract and the uncertainty of it all was dragging me down, emotionally I was little messed up, like there was a lot of anger and aggression to the point where things have been said that I didn't mean and upset and offended quite a few people. I've been very sad and upset, there's been a lot of crying to be honest (I don't like admitting to tears but hey, I'm human ) and there's been a lot of random outbursts of them over near enough nothing important and just overly stressed out. And its left me feeling completely demotivated and uninspired and like I didn't want to work and I didn't really want to do anything at all. I was finding it hard to get up in the morning (which I always do tbh, but even more so) I was finding sleeping a struggle. I was just all round fed up; completely fed up! and I with feeling useless and like all my hard work was for nothing. So I felt drained, stuck and lost for a sense of direction. (I had been feeling this way for quite a few months now and it kind of got a bit too much and I fell off the blogging wagon) I needed to think, I needed to figure something out. Something needed to give.

Whilst I spent about half of my absence moping about feeling useless and pathetic, the other half was spent trying to think, figure it all out. I had to of course calm myself down and try and think clearly and rationally. For a while I was threating that I was going to move on from my current job and find something else, something better and the more I looked the more and more that didn't feel right. I believe deeply in gut instinct and when you know, you know, kind of thing. I thought about an apprenticeship and nothing grabbed me or felt right there either. I just felt stuck for the next step. But thing was certain I was looking for my next step and all I knew was that I needed it to be a progressive one.

Some more thinking one late night/early morning (all of my best ideas and thoughts happen to occur in the early hours of the morning or when I half asleep but whatever, i'm a subconscious genius :P ).  I started looking at how far i'd come in my job and how proud I am of myself. But I've always known it was never ever meant to be a permanent fix, I don't want a retail job forever. I don't want a job, I want a career. I realised that maybe as much a this situation I've been thrown into sucks and it feels awful but perhaps its actually for the best, like there's a reason for it! Then my mind starts wondering, why, what is the reason?! I thought back a few years to when I left sixth form and what my plan was from there (my plan after sixth form was: get a job in retail or something and spend that time trying to figure out your career goals). I figured this confusion with my contract was my push, I hadn't really given it much thought, I got my first pay check and I got very caught up in earning money and materialistic gain. I never wanted to be that person. And whilst I don't think its entirely bad to be completely materialistic (sometimes those items work out as more of an investment piece) I don't want it to be my life, my world and my goal and I lost sight of my one true goal in life, happiness. I had this kind of epiphany (I know sounds lame and cheesy, I get it) but it was like an epiphany, it came to me so suddenly at like 2/3 in the morning and I cried with tears and joy and happiness and it felt right, it felt like something clicked, like my heart was smiling and there was this massive relief that lifted off my shoulders, a burden that has been on my shoulders since secondary school. I figured out what it is that I want to do. and I could not believe how long It took me to figure it out!

Photography. Granted I have no experience with a dslr camera or Photoshop. But I have been taking and editing pictures for this blog for the past two/three years now and for Instagram and I sit for hours editing picture after picture that I've taken randomly on walks through gardens and woodland etc or random pictures for my blog. And I just love it! I love doing it, I love creating and a creative career, i always knew i wanted, just which one. i wasn't sure of. With this realisation, i had to figure out where i was going next. I looked into courses and to start with i'm going to apply for this short course starting late September to see if would actually enjoy learning how to use a dslr camera and Photoshop and to see if this is actually something i do really want to do. and from there i'm thinking i will apply for a part time foundation course at a university in London, and from there maybe go for a degree (but debt and student debt is something that makes me very uncomfortable and very scared and nervous, which is why the degree is a maybe). But i figured that maybe this is the skill i need to learn to go with my business studies qualifications, perhaps i could go freelance (a lifestyle that i must admit has always really appealed to me). But, baby steps.

To be honest, i don't know why i never thought of photography before now, i have no idea why it took me 2-3 years to figure it out but hey, i got there in the end! I'm so excited about this new and upcoming change in my life. There's something that feels so right about it and it just feels like everything is clicking together and clicking into place, and i can't wait to get started. In figuring this all out, i feel motivated again and really happy about life like everything is so simply beautiful and exciting. There's so many of my interests that encompass photography as well, its a great way to keep all my interests alive together in one career, like i have such a desire to travel, i love music and going to gigs, i enjoy fashion and makeup, and i love aesthetics too, like i love so many different styles and themes, so I'd have so much fun trying to capture different moods and styles and feels through a camera.

I think I'm going to bring this post to an abrupt end before it drags on for way too long. So, yeah I'm feeling happy again, excited, inspired and motivated. I want to work and create again. Its so nice having a dream career or at least an idea of one to focus on and work towards. I'm so excited and I'll keep you all posted on any progress with it i suppose, not that their will be any for a little while.

I'd love to know what your guys' dream careers are? are you already on the path to yours or have you just figured it out? Drop me a comment below, letting me know. I'd love to hear from you :)

Thanks for reading and sticking around!!

Georgia x

*Sidenote* | I'm not all that close with my parents, i love 'em and all but i don't really talk to them about anything really. And i know they'll be happy for me in figuring this all out but i don't really know how to go about telling them.  So, if you've got any tips for me, drop me a comment below :) thank you  x
 
     Also, I have a new twitter. I just felt completely detached from my old one and it was annoying me and horrible and ive wanted to create a new one for a while and now i have. So if you wouldn't mind and have actually made it this far, please go give it a little follow :) http://twitter.com/georgiialpowell




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